Clearly she’s a Game of Thrones book-reader. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Later, Brienne’s secret message that she gave to an extremely shifty eyed innkeeper is delivered to Sansa by a similarly shifty servant: If Sansa’s ever in trouble, she’s to light a candle and put it in the highest window of the broken tower. The man who never says anything right says the exact perfect thing. And the most annoying part is, they’re all being pretty nice to her, so she can’t even react normally to anything that’s happening. He’s the eldest son, so he should technically inherit no matter what. Books on making tough decisions will tell you that people often feel trapped between a lousy Option A and a lousy Option B. He confesses to Missandei that he was afraid when bleeding out in the alley. She goes to visit Hizdahr zo Loraq in his cell and tells him she’s going to marry the head of a great house to help solidify her ties to the city. Game of Thrones season 6 finale recap: The Winds of Winter, Game of Thrones premiere recap: The Red Woman, Game of Thrones recap: Book of the Stranger, Game of Thrones season 5 finale recap: 'Mother's Mercy', 'Game of Thrones' recap: 'The Dance of Dragons', Game of Thrones recap: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. But she’s made her point to them, which is simply: Don’t f— with me. At this point, we’re all yelling at Sansa to not be a fool, but she goes into a dark scary tunnel anyway. “Kill the boy, Jon Snow,” Aemon says, “and let the man be born.” A blind 100-year-old guy is literally telling Jon to man up. Anyway, Tyrion and Ser Jorah drifting through this lost ancient world is probably the closest scene we’ve had in Thrones to feeling like we’re in Middle Earth. Sansa storms out of there, pretty horrified. Suddenly their boat is attacked by the Stone Men—outcasts afflicted with greyscale that makes them basically look like Fantastic Four’s Thing. Later, it’s the Dinner of the Damned. as Sansa meets her psycho new family. Unlike Dany’s last husband Drogo, this is a man who will always let her be on top. Tyrion gapes at the dragon. “You remember what happens to people who bore me.”. NEXT: Ramsay’s bite-y sex life In a way, this is the same lesson Dany just learned half a world away—quit worrying about being liked and just do what needs to be done. While Hizdahr is the luckiest man in Meereen. Ramsay is not amused by this: “Jealousy is boring,” he says. He looking stunned: Wait, I’m going to go from being burned alive by dragons to banging the Breaker of Chains? Miranda chomps on his lip proving how non-boring she is. We start to panic, having Sopranos series finale flashbacks. For a moment I’m concerned Drogon is going to swoop down and roast him for a snack. Aw, it’s so nice that they share! And naked. Tyrion gapes at the dragon. Instead, it’s Theon in all his reeky glory. She decides to re-open the fighting pits, recognizing that she misstepped there. Then, just as suddenly, we’re back. Castle Black: Jon goes to Maester Aemon for advice because he wants to try and get the Wildlings to fight with the Night’s Watch. It’s like everything she’s saying is okay, but the delivery is off. He decides to pack up his family and march his army toward Winterfell—bringing his wife and mistress and daughter, too. And probably with a son. Tormund will go to try and get them to join, but he needs Jon to come with him. NEXT: The dinner of the damned Sansa meets Miranda, who is starting to come off nearly as nutty as Ramsay. This is exciting because Dany has lately been in “How do I make people love me?” mode, so we’re excited to see her shift back into badass Mother of Dragons mode. And instead of writing this week’s recap leisurely over the course of a few days leading up to the telecast—punctuated by celebratory rounds of Jameson and checking obscure Thrones-ian facts via the The Wiki of Ice and Fire—I jammed to draft this tonight and I’m just praying I didn’t misspell Daenerys Targaryen (there’s always more ‘e’s than you think there are!). Jon announces his plan to the Night’s Watch. Next week: Save the date, it’s Sansa and Ramsay’s wedding. This is so hard for Theon because his apology is very genuine given that he betrayed Robb, but the reason for his apology is pure fiction. Stannis’ wife warns Davos not to scare little Shireen because that’s her job. Jon gambles by removing Tormund’s chains and for a moment we think he’s going to pummel Jon, which would really earn Jon some of old Aemon’s scorn. Is Tyrion dead? Is this the end of the episode? Stannis makes Jon a generous offer as the Night's Watch elects a new Lord Commander. Miranda compliments her dress and critiques the stitching and makes unnerving comments about Sansa’s mother. They drift toward the ruins of Valyria, the former capital of the Valyrian empire and Daenerys’ ancestral home. Everybody is happy, and healthy, and safe. There’s a tense fight on the boat since they can’t touch their diseased attackers that ends with Tyrion going over the side. Stream Season 5 Episode 5 of Game of Thrones: Kill the Boy online or on your device plus recaps, previews, and other clips. But wait, he killed Bran and Rickon! But there is, of course, no easy answer to her question. Onion rings! Later, Dany ponders her dilemma. Was he shot by a Stone Man in a Member’s Only jacket? It’s definitely a fixer-upper now. Now Dany is really never going to sleep with him. Later, Stannis decides he’s finishing hanging around Castle Black. Dany decides instead to round up the heads of the major families and has them brought to her dragons’ den lair—including her own adviser and suspected reggae enthusiast Hizdahr zo Loraq. “This isn’t a strange place,” she explains. So Jon meets with Tormund and proposes a deal with him. …. I’m going to check the MLS for new listings in the pyramid district—it’s so tough to find modest-sized pyramids with lots of light and not too many stairs. Tyrion is tough to impress, but this flying beast impresses him, as well it should. I want Sansa to reply right now: “Got a candle?” But instead she just kinda nods: Sure, okay, good to know. “This is my home. Sansa pretty quickly realizes her new fiance is a jerk—big surprise—and if anything this probably makes this easier for her, emotionally speaking. Missandei practically leaps into his bed. As much as we hate to root for infanticide, Westeros would be a better place if Roose had done it. The season 5 Thrones poster has come to life. But no: Tormund just says the rest of the Wildlings are at Hardhome, a seaside settlement north of The Wall.
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